Bar Monette

Bar Monette wants to be the cool kid on the block, what with Ice Spice booming through its speakers and a menu that reads like someone drew a big circle around southern Europe and said, "Let's do this." That's all well and good. Especially since Santa Monica’s Third Street Promenade could really use a cool kid. But while the tiny, emerald-green restaurant from a well-known Toronto chef may be a safe haven from tourist mayhem, its cobbled-together menu poses problems. If you treat Bar Monette as the tapas spot it's trying to be, the disappointing food won't justify spending over $100 per person. Instead, use this restaurant as a reliable pizza place.

photo credit: Leo Calab

photo credit: Leo Calab

photo credit: Leo Calab

photo credit: Leo Calab

photo credit: Leo Calab

Those coming for drinks and snacks might interpret Bar Monette's space as a nice change of pace for the neighborhood. Its dark dining room resembles a kooky Cambridge professor's study, with gilded framed paintings, Greco-Roman busts, and a playlist that was curated by her 21-year-old students. Candles illuminate the faces of real estate bros and couples who emerged from their north-of-Montana homes to eat a $26 plate of poached prawns in a forgettable saffron bisque. Prawns and all, Bar Monette’s food doesn’t fit neatly into a genre. Italian? Ehh, kind of. A little overthought? Yeah that's more like it. Half the menu is dedicated to small plates drowning in emulsified sauce, which can be ignored altogether. There's a scallop crudo with an off-puttingly sweet salsa negra, some maitake mushrooms in an oversalted butter sauce, and sobrasada-stuffed agnolotti coated in a smoked tomato butter that's strikingly similar to processed cheese. The best bite of the bunch is a sweet ribbon of jamon de Paris with manchego, but, in reality, you're paying nearly $20 for ham and cheese. Wine prices follow suit—most glasses cost over $20 and bottles float around $100.

So instead of spending your salary on Bar Monette's stomped grapes or creamy things that don’t taste as good as they look, focus your funds on the chewy, deeply charred pizzas. These are individually portioned and have an extra-thick crust to dip into their accompanying sugos (we like the puttanesca sauce). Order the garlicky pesto pie with lumps of sweet crab or the soppressata with honey with a nice sweet-spicy thing going on. Even if you love your Cambridge professor’s charming study and her colorful office hour chats, don’t spend too much time (or cash) at Bar Monette. Split a pizza, sip a glass of wine, and save room for a full meal elsewhere.